The “Tool” Chaser — Am I Enough Yet?

I have been thinking a lot about my journey lately. Where have I come from and where the heck am I going? I have been thinking about all the tools I have learned in the self development arena in the last 15 years and how I’m still on that path. Still learning about and uncovering some more of myself; unburying those treasures I kept hidden in the dark forest of my mental filing cabinets.

As it usually happens when I’m taking a shower; what is about being in the shower that triggers the mind to start having aha moments? I don’t know, but whatever it is keep ‘em coming! Okay, back to the shower… I began to ask myself, “So where exactly am I trying to arrive? What’s this constant ‘need’ to search for more answers? What keeps me hopping from one self-development tool to another? Always looking for the next one that is going to deliver my life on a silver platter. The one that is going to finally confirm that I am not a screw up after all and that I am indeed enough?” I call myself the tool chaser! I’m like those people who get a major thrill out of chasing tornadoes! What are they looking for? What am I looking for?

What if I am enough just the way I am? How many more times do I have to hear the experts say, “You need to find your purpose! You need to live your life this way or that way?” What if I’m already living on purpose? What if my purpose was to be right here, right now? Of course I like to be challenged and live a life that in the end I can say I have no regrets. But what if I got to the end and had no regrets no matter what my life looked like? Why do I need to judge how much I accomplished? What if I’m happy just the way I am, where I am? Hmmm… maybe I’m the one judging my own experiences…

As I step into that “expert” role as I create my business, my approach will be more like something that asks, “What if you are enough? What if you didn’t judge yourself for what you have not yet been able to accomplish and instead you acknowledged and celebrated the beautiful being that you are?” I don’t know… I think I like that cheerleader attitude, “You are awesome! You rock! You go, Girl!” I have gained so much from the tools I have gathered along the way and I love having them all beautifully placed in my Princess Tool Box, where I can just open it up and pull the right tool for the right job.

I guess deep down, I’m looking for confirmation that who I be is someone who makes a difference in people’s lives; someone who is a contribution to the planet; someone who is living life powerfully and loving it. It’s that unanswerable question that keeps us always searching for more, peeling away those layers. Maybe what I’m really looking for is the core of my being; that place within myself where everything is still; it’s that point where people call the zero point; where no judgment of self (and others) exist. Everything just is, perfect, whole, and complete, where the soul is aware of itself. Oh the joys of being a human!

What tools have you gathered that make the most difference in your life? How do you celebrate and honor you?

First Tuesday About First Tuesday

First Tuesday is a Professional and Social Network for Extraordinary Women. Gatherings are held in private homes or public venues on the first Tuesday of each month. Each evening includes unstructured social time, dinner, networking and a program on subjects that span the mind, body and spirit. Newcomers are welcome to join us!

Leave a Comment