What Do You Want?

So you are out in the dating world. When was the last time you asked yourself the central question, “What do I want?”

This is perhaps the most fundamental question, and warrants serious thought and consideration. To “Know Thyself” means knowing not only who you are, but also what you want.

For the purpose of discovering and keeping the love you find, I am suggesting that you laser focus on the qualities that you seek in a partner for life. What are your negotiables and what are your non-negotiables? This deserves your time to really go inward and contemplate. You will get what you expect.

Some non-negotiables I believe should be universally required for optimal relationship bliss are as follows:

• Intrinsic Goodness, Kindness
• Honesty, Integrity, Reliability, Trustworthiness
• Respect for Self, Partner and Others
• Generosity of Spirit, Loving
• Respect, Acceptance and Tolerance of Differences
• Expressive both Verbally and Physically
• Sexual Attraction (this is what separates friends from lovers)
• Shared Values & Vision (Carbon copy not necessary, just compatible “enough”)
• Ability & Desire to Integrate (versus separate or dictate)
• Flexibility with Change in Self and Partner Over Time
• Capacity for Self Reflection and Growth
• Positive Outlook and Disposition
• Financially Responsible
• You Love, Adore, Cherish, and Celebrate Each Other

When these elements are in place, there is so much potential for partnership to enhance a sense of ease and joy in your life. From this point of departure, all curve balls (and there will be some) can be handled together with faith, resiliency and love.

Your “wants” may change a bit over time — and give yourself room and permission for that — but the aspects listed above are tried and true. Integrate and anchor them to your vision because you…are worth it.

Marcy Cole, Ph.D.

Dr. Marcy Cole About Dr. Marcy Cole

Born and Raised in West Palm Beach, Florida. BS from Northwestern University, majoring in Radio/TV/Film and Communication Studies. Worked as a Television Executive for Katz Communications, Received a Masters in Clinical Social Work from Loyola University in Chicago and a Doctorate at the Institute for Clinical Social work. I've been in private practice as a Holistic Psychotherapist for the past 18 years working with adolescents, adults, couples and families. Workshop Facilitator, Corporate Consultant, and Speaker. Best selling Co-Author of "Living Proof … Celebrating the Gifts that Come Wrapped in Sand Paper" and "Get Your Woman On … Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women". Founder of First Tuesday LA, and Founder and Executive Director of CMomA.org, offering support to childless single women and couples who seek to adopt children in need.

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